The Kind of Friends I Never Had

I'm writing a prose as a result of constant doting by one particular member of the royalty.

Ive been feeling very restless lately, having been bitten by the nostalgia bug way too many times in the past few days.

College ended a few months back and i never realised how much i missed it, and the people there till i recently got together with some of my ex-classmates cum partners in all imaginable forms of "adolescent" crimes one can expect from fully grown men and women. We met at JNU, dined together and had a Lil booze session later on.

En route to our booze venue, the lord and i caught up on each others life and genuinely felt happy for each other.... The lord deserves that sweet smell of success he's been sniffing lately- even though he's been purposely ignorant about it- lest things go wrong, and his dreams come crashing down ( a pessimist that he is)

If all this emotional wrench wasn't enough, SirZ called one of us up,while we were drinking... all drunk himself. We passed the phone around (on loudspeaker) and talked to him. I don't know if he had prior info about all of us being together, but you just couldn't miss that shiver in his voice when he took all of our names, talking to each of us. It was that shiver in the man's voice that struck me - no matter how much he tries to act cool, his voice gave away how much WE mean to him..... or maybe I'm just imagining.

The Bombay jaat landed at IIMC to meet me and the duchess today.... I'd been waiting to see her since so long, especially since we've spent so much time together back at the university.Other than losing a lil weight from her illness, the girl hasn't changed even a bit...and i wouldn't have her any other way anyway. She's as over expressive and funny as ever!
It dint take even 5 minutes before her bitching session began with the duchess with me as a witness.... Deja-vu! only the location had changed... we weren't sitting cross legged under that big neem tree at D-school this time around.

I'm surprised i haven't gone under depression thinking about Ramjas so much .....
.....and i know that the A's and W's and H's of the world wont help me even if i do... what'll help me will be the company of the irreplaceable family i formed around 2 years back.

invasion

Time sweeps by
but i,
cant do much.

They spot me
from a distance far
as I;
contemplate, they grin
not at me
-they die

I grow restless
as i,
cant do much.

Monstrosity flies past
It squeals by
as I,
stand just watching
the wasteland
for I,
cant do much.


Craters of limbs
my land accommodates
crusted, headless bodies too,
what were once lush
accommodate.

And I
cant do much
but cry
-massacre!

post A

okay, the last post was written while i was still under A. Hence, utterly unimpressive.(plus I'm not good at prose anyway) Ive decided to let it be, and not edit/refurbish it. The experience was scary and at the end of it all, i was superbly exhausted : passed out for 16 hrs straight.

sweet tooths - BEWARE!

parabolas I've been riding man! and the peaks are wwwaaaayyyy apart from the troughs. its almost insane, only that you know whats going on, and you're almost in full control. you feel superbly confident to even slaughter, let alone other petty stuff that would make you crap your pants otherwise.

Psychedelic. now i truly know what it means.now i know what those colours are about.now i know what those flowy flowers are.....they're all over the place! crystal clear- even when you have your eyes shut.
You are alive with a capital A alright.... but so is every thing around you. from tables to walls to trees...everything has a mind of its own. i had trees reaching out to me , calling to me as they gestured. concrete walls looked liquid ... flowy! i touched em and they had ripples in em,but they felt solid.
things that are metres away from you, seem in reach and you try for hours to grab them-in vain.
you cant sit still....you HAVE to move....you feel scared of being swallowed by the ground if you sit or be still.

This lasts for long.
but when it wares off....you take a plunge...a plunge deeper from where u started...deeper than you've ever been.at this stage, its like every one's conspiring against you..especially ones you love.you trust no-one.you'll be sitting by now- only sitting-sitting still. staring at the rotating fan above you. you're contemplating, but thoughts just whizz past your conscience- you're constantly chasing them- you just cant hold on for long enough for your thoughts to make sense.
You feel like a lump.wasted.worthless.miniscule..... and looking back to those hours....i was every bit of what I've mentioned here....i was pure lump. just lying there.
this lasts long too.
longer than the high....but when it wares off....don't think it to be the end.

Just when you talk yourself out of this depression you feel like you just washed down a dozen cans of red bull.superbly energetic....maybe aggressive as well.I took a swim during this time. being a good swimmer, my capacity to swim at a stretch is about 500 mts, freestyle. but under influence of these dozen red bulls, i swam for 2 hours continuously. taking few, short breaks. took countless laps of the 50mt pool, and was still raring to go after i got outta the pool.
you're emotionless during this high....only energetic.

i guess i have another dip to go before I'm back to normal....and am on my way....I'm dreading the dip....nothing is scarier than yourself.
i have another sugar cube on me right now....and i can very well take it to prevent the dip....... but i wonder if i should....maybe i will.....but if i do....then I'm done for....since this cycle is endless.

(WAR) Man down

My life does a passing
as i lid it thrice
in pain.

My breath soaked
in full colour
-Raw

Pungence puddled around me,
for the ground i lay on ,
is saturated with the pain
of all my kind.

I see those eyes.
Gazing down
-Glistening.

born Free

Disowned at birth,
I lived my life so.
An outcast,
i struggled
in a world
devil's own.

Discovered adulthood
that only i comprehended
and felt too!
-I Did!

-Labelled void;
i loved too,
but never voiced;
for i was bound to the outcome
of my birth itself.

In negation I Lived,
and i lie here today
dying
-still sexless

Serene

That Stone doth lie there .
Dead it has been,
Dead it will be forever;
Watching....

Revolutions, changes for the better
love lost, for the worse.
Hatred it has seen,
with itself sitting
calm,
in drains of blood

--blood that has crusted onto it;
that no-one has bothered
to wipe clean.


That Stone doth lie there;
born it was to this 'world'
in phases
-as it lives on in them too.

It's wrath never lets loose,
though it feels so much

That Stone, dead forever,
doth lie there.
Not an inch it moved
since it born
....just shone

Dead

one last time

Ashes fly in
as the westwinds blow.
Against the flow
they fly
-ashes

After Burial

I lie here in my grave
open eyed;
contemplating.

Darkness I've lived through,
till after my casket was sealed.
Claustrophobic.

I ascended, as i was lowered
for burial.

My lover's teardrops
saturate the soil above me.
Daises blossom
-black
-burnt
-charred

This topic was one- given to folks who participated in a poetry writing compett at Ramjas.... I didnt participate, but tried my hand at the topic post event

lesson 1

Kill you will i?
No that's too mellow.

Slit you, scar you,
chain you,
and let you lie-
bleeding.

So you learn,
the essnce of life.
so you learn,
what every breath means.

....And all you'll have,
will be your blood
to drink;
to keep yourself
from treading towards
eternal misery

The

This is it!

Derogation

Never called truce
with her war-mates.
Lost all.
Her all in process.
She shunned all good,
all that came her way
-"Pseudo!"

Lost all to the world,
hope with the world's own
she lost too.....

Spun on alone,
herself used,
abused,
re-used

Screamed and groaned
through her last breaths,
leaving her home
and it's seekers in misery;

no one to set her aflame;
She is still
at war

Come Hither, and Stay

It comes to me,
when I'm at my peak;
above all
i soar,
am proud.

Proven though,
too proud i reckon;
for i came
tumbling down.
To a level so low,
I'd never seen myself so.

The pressure is immense.
Unbearable.
will i have to let go?
Let go,
of my pride??

NO!! The pride shall stay
for this is what i am

it works

ok....i take my curses back....
finally figured out how to work this shit...
thankyou

anytime u need help, just flash that flood light in the sky
----batman will come!
PEACE!

PS: i love stram of consciousness writing :P

ONE

Man on the edge,
almost fallen
holds himself,
-just an inch to go

"What will it be?
-Sink to glory?
-or back to labour"?
He cant decide.
He holds himself,
with just a step to go.

Something beckons,
spotless.
Glistening,
calling.
Luring as it is,
leaping towards him,
calling again.
....Just an inch to go

But he!!
He steps back;
for he remembers
father's words
from when he was three.
- "What doesn't glitter ,
may be gold"

He takes his chance;
greedy as he is
for gold, not salvation.
Realise he doesn't,
that salvation he has reached.

---That one inch covered
that one step taken

KING - OF - OUR - SYSTEM

'Bleeding' in
through the 'pain',
killing shadows
-and what lurks in them.

Their wings
he rapps,
with just one drop of his.
On.
Everyday.

BLAH!

ok whatever....cant figure this out, so im just gonna keep postin mad.... to hell with organisation and presentation.... i can take my readers for granted since they are so generous....whatever that means....this is a stream of conciousness writing.... and im enjoyin it!! YAY!

alright, poem time

WTF

ok....
either this site sucks apples....or i dont know how to handle it....

i cant seem to put in enough spaces between my verses man!....
i pressed "enter" between each of the lines in my last post....but it doesnt show....and the verses simply stick to each other like vineet to vagina!!!
haaalp me learn...
pilij

Nostalgia

Lusturous images

of green with blue above,

distorted they turned;

width wise.

Hazed they lay now.

New charecters emerge

over time.

Unwanted, since uninvited;

irritable as i get,

i want them to leave

(they are grey)

i want the original

back.

The blues and greens;

sharp again,

crisp,

unhazy.

cant go back in time,

will go on hence

to have the original

back

INTRO

see, I'm not a writer...
am definitely lousy at prose
but i try my hand at poetry every now and then.....
cant say why , but usually end up writing "dark poetry" ,as they call it.
thought id share it with a select few....the few who know me better than what i look like, or seem like on the outside....
also, most of the poems here, I've written beforehand and am just making them available online for critique.....neither have they been published chronologically

so basically if you're reading this.... consider yourself a privileged ass.

here goes nothing.........